The problem with being financially responsible is that sometimes it seems like everyone around you is having more fun. While it is the same concept as the "keeping up with the Joneses" rather than being about the car and the house, it is about the cute clothes, fun restaurants and cool bars. It would be great to have a better apartment or a nicer car, but this comes down to lifestyle jealously.I wonder if this lifestyle jealously lessens the older you get? I would assume (and hope) it changes as you grow more mature and have more responsibilities. But I have a feeling it doesn't.
I think part of this jealously comes from doing everything right - watching my spending, pay attention to my goals and coming out more financially secure - but feeling boring. I also find this becomes more of an issue when the weather gets nice. When it is cold outside I'm perfectly happy hiding out in my warm apartment, but when the sun is shining I want to be out there enjoying it. I'm suffering from the "I want what she has" blues. I'm sure they will pass, once I get close to a goal they always do.
Photo by ruslou.
11 comments:
I completely understand what you're feeling right now. I've always been very responsible about everything, and sometimes it's hard to watch my friends going on fun vacations and buying tons of shoes and going out to dinner every night. I just remind myself that it's ok to be jealous sometimes and, in the end, I'm doing what I feel is right with my money.
I also wonder if these feelings have to do with where we live, I in DC and you in NYC. If we lived in places with less to do/see/buy, would there be less to be jealous of? Maybe, maybe not...
Sadly, if I'm any example, it doesn't change that much when you get older. My best friend just told me that she booked a cruise (her third one in two years) for her family for the end of October and is going to Disney World for Spring Break in April, 2010. I've often thought we were pretty even financially, but I'm starting to feel "lifestyle jealousy" Why can't we do that? I'm being boring careful and instead I'm saving my money for more practical purposes...a new heating and air conditioning unit, etc. I guess it's just a matter of choices. Thanks for posting this, I now have a term (lifestyle envy) I can use to figure out why I was feeling so bad...
I don't think the actual "lifestyle envy" gets better with age, but (speaking as a 60 year old single woman with, until recently, children at home) one does get more knowledgable with age. Because I know a lot more about the state of my friends' marriages or relationships, and their finances, I realize that I am not willing to take their risks in order to live their lifestyle. What I do find myself jealous of is the lifstyle provided by two incomes. I don't particularly want a partner, but I would sure like an additional income around the house.
Sadly, I don't think it will get better either. I think you need to change something within yourself to not care as much about what other people have. Easier said than done!
I think TeacHer's comment about city living is very interesting. I agree that living in a city gives you access to people who have more means and therefore can afford that fancy bag or to take a trip or whatever. There's also so many more opportunities to go out, go shopping, go to restaurants, etc. I think more rural/suburban people don't have that factor in their lives.
I too suffer from lifestyle envy. I desperately want to travel but until our debt is paid off we won't be able to do much.
That being said, my parents and sisters family are all on a cruise right now. They are takinga cruise through the company my husband works for and even with his discount we just could not swing it.
Then there is the ex factor. My husbands ex wife has decided that since she can't stand up to her freeloading boyfriend (has a FT job and refuses to pay his portion of anything related to their living situation) she wants more money from us. I don;t think so.
When I look at where I am and where I am headed and try not to compare myself to others I feel OK. In the end, I know I am doing what is best for me.
I guess I'll take the opposite tack, I've lost some of that envy as I've gotten older. I always thought having lots of stuff, expensive clothes and all the trappings of wealth was what I wanted. Now I just want to be comfortable, I want money in the bank. I don't envy others lifestyles cause it would only hold me back from my goals. Have hope!
I've definitely suffered from "lifestyle envy" as you put it (great term, BTW). My friends go out to nice restaurants, movies, clubs, bars, and lots of vacations. I haven't been on a vacation since 2001! But, I will have a house sooner than any of them because I have been responsible. You have to feel that what you're gaining by being responsible outweighs what your giving up. But, you should have some fun too!
Also, you say you live in a big city. I live in Toronto and there's plenty of free events all over the city. Google free events in your city and I'm sure you can beat these blues!
Good luck, Jamie.
That is a good point - there is always so much going in cities that perhaps the temptation is greater.
I find that lifestyle envy comes and goes in waves for me. For a long time I'm totally good, but when it hits it hits hard.
I guess I can only hope it lessens as I get older.
i find that if i tell myself i have a butt load more money in my accounts than them, it clears a little of the jealousy away - whether it's true or not ;)
plus, i tend to enjoy the "possibilities" of everything i could buy if i wanted to, over those things i did actually pickup.
I'm having lifestyle envy with all the house buying going on. Three of our friends have all bought houses pretty recently. It only bothers me because it's something I really want for myself. (NO more white walls!)
Of course, it helps that one couple is older and can still Barely afford their house with a separate third floor rental to pay the taxes! The other two couples are my age have a starter house and a condo, and both had their parents help make the purchase.
So I just keep telling myself that when I buy a house it will be better (although maybe not bigger) and we'll have done it on our own!
I know exactly what you mean. I'm 23 (24 in 3 weeks) and it seems like all my friends go out to trendy bars and clubs and have tons of fun! They go tanning, get their nails done, and wear expensive clothes from trendy boutiques. Where as I don't go tanning for the health reasons and choose not to spend the money on expensive manicures every month. I do like to indulge in the ocassional pedicure, as that is really a treat and very relaxing... and not quite as expensive.
I almost never pay full price for my clothes, I try to only spend money when things are on sale or when I have a gift card to a particular store. Just last week I spent $60 at my favorite clothing store, but I got 5 basic t-shirts on sale for about $11 each. What a steal for such basic everyday necessities!
I try to keep my savings goals in mind, but it's very hard when my friends are going out and having lots of fun and looking great to boot! Luckily, I enjoy staying home and reading and watching movies at home with my wonderful fiance. We do enjoy going out to eat though, so I guess that is my one splurge.
I don't know if it fades as you get older, possibly a little bit, or maybe on different things (like cars, houses, vacations). But for right now, for me it's clothes, manicures, shoes, accessories.
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